Lover at Last (J.R. Ward)
SUMMARY
Qhuinn, son of no one, is used to being on his own. Disavowed from his bloodline, shunned by the aristocracy, he has finally found an identity as one of the most brutal fighters in the war against the Lessening Society. But his life is not complete. Even as the prospect of having a family of his own seems to be within reach, he is empty on the inside, his heart given to another....
Blay, after years of unrequited love, has moved on from his feelings for Qhuinn. And it’s about time: it seems Qhuinn has found his perfect match in a Chosen female, and they are going to have a young. It’s hard for Blay to see the new couple together, but building your life around a pipe dream is just a heartbreak waiting to happen. And Qhuinn needs to come to terms with some dark things before he can move forward…
Fate seems to have taken these vampire soldiers in different directions... but as the battle over the race’s throne intensifies, and new players on the scene in Caldwell create mortal danger for the Brotherhood, Qhuinn finally learns the true definition of courage, and two hearts who are meant to be together... finally become one.
MY REVIEW
You need to be patient with me because this is my favorite book from BDB (and I have to admit that it has the most suitable title), so I have included many many quotes in this review and many many spoilers.
While Layla and Saxton were playing the role of third wheel, Qhuinn and Blay were trying to grow up and come in terms with their true feelings . Mostly Quinn actually. Because Blay knew that he is in love with Quinn since they hang out at Blay’s parents’ house, playing Xbox, drinking beers, dreaming of bigger and better posttrans lives.
Now it is time for Quinn to face the truth:
He couldn’t believe he’d never told Blay he loved him. In all the minutes and hours and nights of his life, in all the words he’d spoken to the male over the years they’d known each other, he’d only ever pushed him away.
There are so many things in the book that gave me the chills:
1. Saxton breaking up with Blay:
“I’ve been fooling myself.” Saxton shook his head. “I thought I could keep going with you like this—but I can’t. It’s killing me.”
Blay closed his eyes. “I know I’ve been out a lot in the field—”
“That’s not what I’m talking about.”
2. Qhuinn saving Zsadist and flying an airplane without knowing how to fly a plane:
Z had dragged himself forward, and going by the expression on his face, he was having trouble staying on his feet—and not just because of the bucking and weaving.
The Brother spoke up, his deep voice cutting through the din. “Time for you to go.”
“Fuck that,” Qhuinn hollered back. Reaching forward, he went to try the ignition. Couldn’t hurt, right?
“Don’t make me throw you out.”
“Try it.”
3. Blay telling his mother that he had a relationship with Saxton and that they have broken up. And his mother is so supportive and nice. As every mother should be. She just wants to feed him and hug him:
“Okay, so here’s what you have to do. You take some time and do some healing. You’ll know when you’ve done enough. Then you have to be open to meeting somebody new. You are such a catch, you know.”
And here she was, telling him to go meet another guy.
“Blay? Did you hear me? I don’t want you to spend your life alone.”
4. Qhuinn almost killing Saxton because he thought that he cheated:
“You’re…choking…me….”
“I should kill you right here, right now,” Qhuinn growled. “How the fuck could you do that to him? He’s in love with you—”
And so many more other important scenes such as:
-Quinn defending Layla in the clinic
-Quinn becomes a Brother
-Quinn and Blay having sex for the first time
-Quinn asking Blay to become his mate
And finally my favorite scene. Quinn says “I am sorry” finally over and over again!:
Unbidden, his feet took another step forward. “I’m sorry….”
All of a sudden, he was saying those words over and over again, repeating them with each footfall that brought him closer to Blay.
“I’m sorry….I’m sorry….I’m…sorry….” He didn’t know what the fuck he was saying or doing; he just had an urgency to repent for all his sins.
There were so many when it came to this honorable male who was standing dead still before him.
Finally, there was only one step left before his bare chest hit Blay’s.
Qhuinn’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I’m sorry.”
In the thick silence that followed, Blay’s mouth parted…but not in surprise. More like he couldn’t breathe.
Reminding himself not to be a world-revolves-around-me asshole, Qhuinn brought it back to what was happening between Blay and Saxton.
“I don’t want that for you,” he said, his eyes roaming around that face. “You’ve suffered enough, and I know you love him. I’m sorry….I’m so sorry…”
Blay just stood in front of him, his expression frozen, his eyes darting around as if they couldn’t light on anything. But he didn’t pull back, jerk away, storm off. He stayed…right where he was.
“I’m sorry.”
Qhuinn watched from a vast distance as his own hand reached out and touched Blay’s face, the fingertips running over the five o’clock shadow. “I’m sorry.”
Oh, God, to touch him. To feel the warmth of his skin, to inhale his clean, masculine scent.
“I’m sorry.”
What the fuck was he doing? Man…too late to answer that—he was reaching forward with his other hand and putting the palm on that heavy shoulder.
“I’m sorry.”
Oh, God, he was drawing Blay in, pulling that body up against his own. “I’m sorry.”
He moved one of his hands to the nape of Blay’s neck and pushed it deep into the thick hair that curled under there. “I’m sorry.”
Blay was stiff, that spine straight as an arrow, his arms remaining around his tight belly. But after a moment, almost as if he were confused by his own reaction, the male began to lean in, that weight shifting subtly at first, and then more so.
With a quick jerk, Qhuinn wrapped his arms around the single most important person in his life. It was not Layla, although he felt a pang at that denial. It was not John, or his king. It wasn’t the Brothers.
This male was his reason for everything.
And even though it killed him that Blay was in love with someone else, he’d fucking take this. It had been too long since he’d touched the guy…and never like this.
“I’m sorry.”
Palming the back of Blay’s head, he urged the male closer to him, tucking that face into his own neck. “I’m sorry.”
As Blay went with it, Qhuinn shuddered, turning his own face inward, breathing in fully, pulling all of the sensations deep into his brain so he could remember this forever. And while his palm rubbed up and down, soothing that muscled back, he did what he could to make amends for so much more than his cousin’s infidelity. “I’m sorry—”
With a quick shift, Blay shook his head. Shook himself free. Pushed back.
Pushed away.
Qhuinn’s shoulders dropped. “I’m sorry.”
I have counted 17 “I’m sorry” in this passage!
Well, I obviously love drama. And I am obviously not afraid to admit it :)
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